PERSONAL COACHING
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September 28, 2009
Post a Question/Comment to this blog.
On Relationships and Being Present
Question: On Relationships and Being Present
Why do I keep falling out of love? I've been in several serious relationships and even though I
think I have found the right person, it just seems to fizzle out and I'm looking for someone new and better.
What can I do to be satisfied with my relationship and stop them from becoming boring?
The Coach's View:
For many people, falling in love is a lot easier
than staying in love.
One of the reasons is that staying in love requires different things than falling in love.
This is what could be going on...
When you begin a relationship everything is new and fresh. Interesting things happen because you're surprised by what you see and hear. You're getting to know a new person and that's fascinating in many ways.
Once you know them, though, often you may begin to take them for granted. Things that you thought were "cute" now affect you differently. They are
inconvenient and thoughtless instead of spontaneous and creative.
Literally, you begin to see them through different eyes – as if you are looking through a particular pair of glasses or lenses. That is the lens of "already knowing" what someone will say and do.
Life – and love – can begin to seem to be "boring" – predictable and no longer engaging.
It takes an act of courage to let go of the thought that you already "know" someone. It means leaving behind the past that you have created over the months or years you have known each other and being together as if you were newly acquainted.
Imagine, being with someone you love as you loved
them in the beginning – someone who was new and
exciting every day – someone you were comfortable
with AND who had something new to share and learn
from each moment?
This is what is possible when you begin to create
the kind of relationship that exists in the present moment – instead of one determined and influenced by reactions and the past.
It is possible that you are not even aware that you have become so accustomed to knowing what your loved one is about to do or say, that you literally cause it to happen - you expect it; it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
What would it be like to create that the person you love, could be new and different and that you don't know everything about them?
That something they say could astound and delight
you – just as they did when you first met?
I invite you to leave the past out of your present and create the next moment with the one you love as if it is the first.
Truly create your relationship instead of waiting for something outside of you to change and make it better. Then, what might be possible?
Article by Sasha Xarrian
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